how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just high enough for therapy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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