so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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