i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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