dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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