I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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