I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
