i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
