Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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