he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
