He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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