office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
