She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
God I need to hump something, right now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
