If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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