I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
