Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
