I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize