you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
