Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
