Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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