i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
