i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't deserve a penis
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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