smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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