You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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