Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
