Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
