I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
PANTIES FOUND
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