you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
