Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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