I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
