i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
