he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
