Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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