i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
