angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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