home. puking in laundry basket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
