I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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