whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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