I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
