her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
