During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
