my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The uberlube is also flammable
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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