I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
