You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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