My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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