I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
