dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
