stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
