happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
