this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
