oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
