So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
