Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
