No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize