Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
