I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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