also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
