If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
