Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize