Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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