I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The uberlube is also flammable
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
