if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
