I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
