Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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