Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
