making cat noises will not fix the situation.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
