I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
