mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
