i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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