Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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