oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
