Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my vag is so smooth its legendary
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
