You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
