Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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